The House of Oz

---

Note from The Frame:  Barry's memoir of homelessness and job hunting offers a rare openness, vulnerability, and honesty and we're delighted that he's allowed us to present an extract from it.

 “How’s the job search going?” asks Roger.

“I was offered a job at the vegan cafe, but the supervisor left. To be honest, I don’t know if working in a cafe is really me.”

“Why don’t you give it a try?”

“I’m hoping something more suitable will come along.”

Roger is my mentor. I met him at The House of Oz, a private members’ club in London that provides work experience for people who are homeless or unemployed. They also match trainees with a mentor for up to a year.

There was a selection process. We had five minutes with each potential mentor. It was just like speed dating. I took it literally and started chatting them up.

“Do you come here often?”

I told one of them I was a musician and a painter and asked if he could help promote me. He was a butler for a VIP and said he was sure they could help. Another played in an orchestra.

Then came Roger. He looked completely at home, stretched out in an armchair. He told me he loved Shirley Bassey, Dusty Springfield and Barbra Streisand. He was vegan too.

It was a difficult decision. I chose Roger for one reason only.

He was the best-looking.

I’m currently living in a hostel in south-west London. It’s like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, only crazier. I have my own room and kitchen, but share the bathroom. Once, I found shit on the floor and walls. I told the office. They gave me gloves to clean it up.

I moved in on 25 May, my birthday. It should have been a week earlier, but the office told me they were short-staffed and I couldn’t move in. Greg, the manager at The House of Oz, had run a hostel himself and knew the system.

“Shall I call them?”

“No, it’s okay.”

Greg called anyway. Within minutes, I was allowed to move in and complete the paperwork later.

“What’s it like at the hostel?” Judy asked me

“Some of the residents sing at the top of their voices.”

“You like to sing. Why don’t you start a choir?”

Typical Judy: make a joke out of a bad situation.

Everybody asks about the job search. Staff at The House. People at the hostel. I tell everyone I’m looking for work. Even strangers on the bus.

The number eleven driver has started asking too.

“How’s the job search going?”

Still going.

There are six of us taking part in the Employment Academy at The House of Oz. I’m introduced to Joanna, the new art executive. She’s seen my work and invites me to exhibit at The House. I’m thrilled.

On the third day, I’m put on reception with Daniel. My job is to meet and greet members.

Simple enough.

Then Daniel shows me the tablet.

“Follow me and I’ll show you around.”

There’s the Gilbert and George Room. The Picasso Room. The Spank Me Room. The restaurant, the bar and the garden.

Daniel tests me.

“Name the rooms.”

I remember one.

“The Don’t Patronise Me Room.”

I’m not ready to deal with the members.

He shows me how to check the reservations coming in by email. I feel embarrassed asking for help. He’s patient, but I can tell he’s getting frustrated.

“Look. You click on the relevant room, go to the date and time, check whether there’s a table, then confirm with the member by email.”

“Okay, Daniel.”

“Would you like a break?”

“Yes.”

I go upstairs and sit in the kitchen.

“I’ve just come from reception. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t multitask. Linda asked me if David Walliams had arrived. I said Daniel would be back in a minute. I’m such an idiot.”

I’m beginning to regret not taking the barista training instead.

ABOUT BARRY ALLEN

Barry Allen is a painter, songwriter and writer. His artwork has been exhibited at the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition in London, and his music has been broadcast on BBC radio in Scotland, Ireland and Wales. He moved from London to Eastbourne after experiencing homelessness. The House of Oz is a memoir extract inspired by The Wizard of Oz.

Edited from the author’s submitted memoir extract for length and clarity.